The end of the 2017 is just around the corner, and with it the holiday season. This year has been a very heavy year for a lot of people that I know. A lot of people that I know are grieving the loss of a loved one, for most of them it’s a parent. A few of those people are very close to me, myself included. You can feel the heaviness hovering in the air like fog. Sometimes is clouds your vision, other times you can see a little ray of hope peek through. But yeah, it’s still there hanging.
That’s not to say that it will be there forever. Right now it’s like this. It will clear eventually. There’s no correct time limit that say you’re grieving should be done in a certain amount of time. Everyone’s process is different. The important thing to pay attention to is that no matter how slow or fast you may be moving through, make sure that you are moving forward. It can be the tiniest steps, but keep the momentum and you’ll get there.
We experience hundreds (or maybe thousands-not a real statistic) in our lifetimes. I think that we tend to think of our “firsts” as usually good experiences because that’s what we’re supposed to do. That’s what keeps us on a normal level of society. Our first steps, first day of school, first kiss, baby’s first Christmas/birthday, etc… But what contributes to us being who are are the bad firsts too. They hold important lessons that we need. The first time that we felt left behind, the first time we got our heart broken, the first time that we had to experience a moment in time without someone important to us. The bad is just as important to talk about as the good as long as we don’t dwell in the bad. I always like to tell people to give yourself a few days to feel sad, just don’t stay in it. It’s important to feel that so that we can learn for ourselves what we need to nurture ourselves through the yuck in healthy way instead of shoving everything down so far down that there is only darkness.
We’re navigating through our first holiday season without a father, mother, cousin, friend, etc. and you know what? It sucks. Yep, it sucks. And that’s okay. It’s allowed to. We’re allowed to feel that way right now because it’s our new normal to learn. I told one of my best friends before Thanksgiving that the holidays are going to kind of suck this year and that’s okay. This doesn’t mean that I’m spreading negativity everywhere I go, but I’m valuing the importance of feeling the loss. There’s a big hole left where someone once lived and we shouldn’t ignore that and hurry to fill that hole. There really isn’t a “new normal” to get use to yet because we don’t even know what that looks like. If we close ourselves off we’ll never figure it out either. This year is the first, the pieces of our loss are settling in their places. Next year we can get used to our new normal as long as we take this year to learn what that’s going look like.
If you need quiet time, take it. If you’d rather be around people, do it. Do what is healthy for you but know that you’re not alone in this. Many of us are figuring things out along with you on our own journeys. We’re all missing someone. Whether they’ve passed on or moved away and you can’t seem to reconnect, or maybe they’re right down the road. Never turn away from the shining lights in your life. Remember that you are a shining light and blessings are everywhere, even though sometimes they may be a little hard to see.